The Start. The Beginning. My First Perspective

As I pack endlessly for my -2- month trip to Bali today, I have mixed emotions. A bubbling loneliness & physical distance from the one I love, an excitement for the spectacular adventures to come from surfing, exploring and taking in Pacha Mama's beauty that encompasses Bali and a confused self exploration into my profession of nursing in Labor & Delivery.

There is a constant weight on my struggling heart against the westernized medicine that has tainted, impurified and taken away a woman's natural, god-given right to simply birth. Where do I stand here? What is the correct way to practice my profession when I don't believe in what Westerners have turned birth in to? Why does modern medicine believe that they suddenly know exactly how to care for a woman in labor when mother nature has been taking care of it for thousands and thousands of years?

Yes, I do believe there are many great, fantastic, life-saving interventions & treatments for a medically complicated pregnancy rattled with syndromes, conditions, preterm labor and serious preexisting medical conditions that Westernized Medicine requires a role in. But where is their place in a normal, healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy?

Physicians are trained as Pathologists first. Meaning, they are trained for 8-12 years through medical school & specialized fellowship training to find problems, complications, abnormalities. Based on this role of a physician, why should he/she be the first care provider in a NORMAL, HEALTHY & UNCOMPLICATED pregnancy? Why should this highly trained Pathologist & Surgeon be the first to care for women & their unborn children in something that is so innately & animalistically natural as a pregnancy & birth? In my heart, I believe they have no place. In my heart, I need to find something different. Sadly, I am just a small voice barely heard.

I struggle at work everyday to try and allow a woman to simply birth. To birth without the use of internal monitors, the premature act of rupturing membranes, the unnecessary episiotomies & vacuum extractions. The restrictions on oral fluid & food intake. Useless continuous IVs on everyone. The continuous external fetal monitoring, the restrictions on walking & positions changes out of bed. The forced pushing before a woman is fully dilated. I'm exhausted from the fight of it all. But, I have to keep on. I have to fight for the women who aren't as fortunate as me to know the difference. I am their advocate, this was my promise when I graduated from USC 7 1/2 years ago.

This is my dilemma. Do I keep practicing in a westernized mind of birth -- something that goes against my every cell? A fight that gets my blood boiling on a daily basis? The labor & delivery practice in the U.S is a disservice to the very women & babies we are trying to protect. It is, however, mostly practiced at the convenience of the physicians and the nurses (who don't know any better) out of fear. A fear that was created by malpractice insurances and governing boards of medicine that are not using evidenced based practice. Do I leave the western system and practice birth the way I feel it should be practiced? Naturally, safely & with the best interest of the mother and child? Or, do I remain fighting the fight and continue being the small voice and the patient advocate through protecting our women & babies from the use of unnecessary medical interventions in a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy, labor & delivery?

I am traveling to Bali, Indonesia to explore these doubts & questions. I'm going to Bali to volunteer at a non profit birthing center for 2 months. This will be a very personal exploration through my sanctity of surf, my meditation practice and the simplicity that travel gives me by bringing me back to my home, my Pacha Mama.

**These photos I found on the internet. The photos in upcoming blogs will be directly through my eye & the lens of my own camera